Here are ten signs of what it means to be a recluse. If you call yourself a recluse, you can be making an excuse for your depression. Even though a recluse can be productive, isolation reeks depression.
Cat in a window image available from Shutterstock. If you've heard of unipolar depression you may wonder how it's different from regular depression or bipolar depression. Here's what you need to know. You two are close. So you might pick up on the signs of a depressive episode. If they reach out to you, here's how to help someone with depression.
Antidepressants have been used for many years to help manage symptoms of depression. But they may not work for every person. Their experiences continually change who they are and who they are destined to become.
Every page of their lives has the substance to teach, heal, or entertain. A mere chapter of their story could, potentially, change a life, or, maybe even, make the world a better place to live in. Sometimes people can get caught up in their work and withdraw from social events.
Writers, sometimes, become reclusive because sharing their knowledge or wisdom becomes an obsession. A friend stops by to ask if they want to go out somewhere and they shew them away; saying, "I can't go right now.
I'm in the middle of an important article," or, their phone rings and they quickly stuff it under their pillow. Their life and everybody in it become distractions.
Their ultimate goal of getting their point across releases them from feelings of insignificance and worthlessness. They imagine that what they've shared on paper or screen makes something easier for someone to understand, or helps somebody feel better, or makes another person smile or laugh and they like it.
They like working on pieces that entertain their audience. Leaving their mark on the world trumps experiencing more of it. They like the idea that things may be better for future generations because of something they wrote about. They like spending all their time working on making the people of the world more aware, healthier, or happier.
They like being a recluse. People choose or feel forced into reclusiveness for other reasons as well. A common misconception is that they sit around in a catatonic state and do nothing or that they are all feeling sad or lonely. Some people may be experiencing a deep depression. It's possible that they slipped into the depression over a long period of time, and they don't realize that their desire to be alone is a result of that.
Therapy may help them make changes to feel better. However, many people who choose a reclusive lifestyle live productive lives doing exactly what they want to do. They feel happy and content. Many of them run businesses from their homes. Some may concentrate their time on being more relaxed and less productive, but if they are happy and content with where they're at, they are in a better place than many people who are rarely alone yet feel lonely often.
Some reclusive people may seek therapy because they want to become more social beings, but they don't know how to feel safe or more comfortable in the process. Therapy may help people who want to mingle more with others or feel safer outdoors.
Each individual has the right to choose and options to change if they desire to do so. Question: My friend has been through a lot, and she's extremely reclusive. She has boys chasing her all the time, but she never drinks and never goes out to the club or parties. She always wants to be at home. She never wants to talk. She has no motivation for anything. What's wrong with her? Answer: You say that she's been through a lot. Has she talked to you about those things?
She may not realize how much a therapist could help her work through her thoughts or social awkwardness if those are things keeping her isolated. It's great that she has a friend like you who is concerned for her and trying to help her enjoy life. Could it be that she's just not into the bar scene? Maybe suggest going bowling or to the movies or ask her what she would enjoy doing outside of her home.
Question: Privacy and comfort appeal to me as contributing reasons for a more reclusive existence. Is a reclusive lifestyle an all or nothing proposition? I could see myself being happy for extended periods as a recluse but wanting to be around others on occasion even if I was not interacting directly with them, e.
Answer: I think it's healthy for people who choose to be reclusive to at the very least get out among other people occasionally and have positive interactions with other people even if virtually at least once a week.
Many reclusive business people who either consider themselves recluses or have been labeled by others as such still interact with people, often daily, to conduct the business they do. Sometimes even people who enjoy being alone become depressed or anxious if they go too long without human contact so it helps to either get out or have somebody over once in a while or when negative feelings creep up. Question: How do I help my twenty-three-year-old daughter if she is becoming a recluse?
Answer: Therapy might help, but it's sometimes difficult to convince somebody to talk to a therapist. From one parent to another, what I would do in a similar situation is look for something outside the home that my daughter and I could do together once a week.
I'd let her know that I really want to spend time doing fun or exciting things with her. I'd start with something fun like a trip to an amusement park or a dance class if she likes dancing something that both of us have to put our phones away for.
For ongoing weekly outings, maybe we could find a cause to work on together like becoming adult literacy tutors or volunteering at a children's hospital or maybe set up a bunco club with people of both our age groups, go to the show every Sunday, or take a culinary class together. I might see if my sister and niece want to join us on some of these outings to give her someone her own age to talk to. Question: My partner has become a self-loathing recluse over the last five years.
He won't answer calls, texts or the door for even his family, who now blame me. How can I help him? Answer: Talk to him to let him know that you care about him and you want to do what you can to help.
Let him know you will listen with an open heart and you would like to be part of a plan to bring him happiness. Suggest seeing a therapist who might be able to get to the root of what's wrong and how to combat it. Invite him to gradually participate in outdoor activities with yourself at first and then maybe another couple and eventually maybe family members.
Start with short periods of time close to home such as a two-hour barbeque in the backyard, and if that works well maybe have another one the following week and perhaps make a date to travel a little further with another couple the week after that.
What do I do? Answer: You should talk to your general practitioner or another medical professional to find out what your next step should be. They may steer you in the direction you need to go with medical personnel and also ask if they know of other resources that may help you along the way.
Question: I've become reclusive from my fear of losing everyone and becoming lonely. I figured if I'm alone then I can't lose anyone. But, I've become lonely not from loss, but from isolation. What should I do? Answer: Go out and meet people; have some fun; and appreciate the time you get to share with them. Don't worry so much about things you have no control over. It's really tough to lose people we love but it's tougher to live life without love and to look back at time wasted alone that would have been better spent with caring people.
I rushed the 3 hour drive home to find my home emptied, bank accounts closed everything I knew was not real. He had been living a double life and apparently the walls were closing in on him. I Spent the next year finding that so many days of being sick and several surgeries I had over the years were more then likely caused by my husband.
Devastating does not begin to describe the past few years. I rented a trailer and live alone with my poodle, I have locks and alarms on every window and door. I work from home now and almost never leave my home. Now I am over 60 yrs old, I worked all my life and retirement is gone, I had no furniture, just nothing. I am slowly buying online the things I need to rebuild my life.
We are divorced now, I only asked for my poodle, that I had discovered he had gotten her a license under her name and had made arrangements to sell her. In light of everything the judge ordered me to have full custody of my poodle. Now I only have my poodle and I who almost never go anywhere. By the way. My husband is only 46 yrs old and has everything I worked for. He did not work. Enjoys the article, and the comments, which were so revealing.
I am in my 50s now. I am becoming increasingly reclusive. But in my early years, my 20s, and 30s particularly, I was quite social! Although a lot of that was directed to finding a soul — mate which never happened by the way. I am not depressed and I am, at least on the surface fairly talkative and sociable. But I do really enjoy my privacy. I do regret what I tell most people, especially things that are personal or important to me. I do like people sometimes, but I find a lot of what interests them, does not interest me.
I also do not like the drama at in life. I have a difficult family, and some physical health problems which no one is very sympathetic to, so this also reinforces my hermit like tendencies. So it was good to see people writing their positive things Thank you. I am out in the public so much that i wish to stay home when i am off work.
A staycation is a vacation to me. If my wife passes away i will become a recluse and enjoy it. People can enjoy dogs more than some people. My hobbies can be done at home, all but one or two. Quiet time at home is priceless to many people regardless of their gender age financial status. Sorry if i am rambling. I have a reclusive brother who is not in the best health.
He does very little for the family. I know his social needs are met as a teacher and with his friends the few that he does have but what application do I have to him as his sister? He has never married and has no children. If he chooses to isolate from me and from the family do we have any obligations to him later in his life?
I have spent years of my life caring for others and helping them because i was a nurse and also my nurturing nature. I was severely abused as a child by my grandmother who ultimately tried to kill me. I used to spend hours in the closet in my bedroom to keep myself safe. I find now with the pandemic and masks and lock down that I refuse to go outside and wear a mask. In fact I am now afraid of going outside.
I was hospitalized for a long period for a wound infection and when I was discharged the virus was here. I was well ahead of the social distancing curve at time as I has a wound vac attached to my thigh for 2 months.
I am afraid I am being a recluse. My family of origin has at least three people who became recluses in the full sense of the word. I was always a loner who pushed myself to be more sociable.
I was an introvert even as a young child. It was normal to me and still is. I always preferred being alone. I do stay home a lot more now. Living as a recluse makes me happy. I can do whatever I want. I work from home and do have to interact with people on the phone, which exhausts me. People drain me. Pretending is painful. I do still talk to family on the phone and force myself to spend Thanksgiving with them, but I find it becoming harder to do so.
I speak to a few friends still but rarely see them. I just like the peace and solitude and safety of staying alone. Former therapist Yet, can definitely relate to many points in the article from the codependent reliance on others to the difficulty managing my own insecurities from resurfacing past childhood traumas. In therapy, myself, now thinking a career change is in order in my mid's. I think I have a recluse mother, but I am not sure.
I travel abroad most of the year. I come to spend time with my mom when I am off and she hugs me tight and says she misses me and we have dinner. Then she goes in her bedroom and closes the door for the rest of the night. The next day, I hear her TV on but door is still closed. I will knock on her door to talk to her but we talk though the door. It is a tough situation for me. I don't understand. Anyone, can you share thoughts or ideas?
I'm with the others here that prefer the solo life and live it purposefully. I don't regret becoming a recluse at all. In fact, I very much enjoy the reclusive lifestyle. Like others here, I'm also a minimalist and own shockingly little for my age. The less I have, the lighter and better I feel. I moved to the outskirts of a small town with decent grocery stores and medical facilities. The world can be an incredibly tough, brutal, cruel place, which is something I learned and internalized at a very young age.
I feel extremely fortunate to finally have the means to be a recluse. Like others here, even though I would have preferred solitude, I did my best to fit in, which was advantageous to everyone but me. The only time I speak to anyone these days is at the grocery store and then only when required. I cook and eat all my meals at home.
I venture out only at times I know there will be the fewest of others about. I do what I want when I want and there's no one there to control, criticize or judge.
I love taking solo drives out to the middle of nowhere. I love walking alone. I love reading and writing. I love living my austere, minimalist solo life. To each their own. I am a recluse and just stumbelled upon this page. I have PTSD, prolonged phys, emotional and sexual abuse over 20 year period.
I used to be out going and loved having friends and enjoyed a social life. I just feel that I am not doing the norm, but I don't mind being alone. I have a cat.
I read, and watch some T. I am a recluse and became so during the last years. It is my time, to do what I want when I want and not be interrupted by others. I have rescue animals who love me unconditionally, that is all I need, I can listen to the music I want, watch the channel I want, hold on to my money and not spend if I choose. I am different, I have spent my life trying to fit in, mingle only to be advised to be different from my true self so that I better fit in.
Work was hard, people giving advice on how to be to be part of the team. It should have been the other way round, they should have been more accepting of peoples differences. I have been told to go with the flow, I am not a dead fish so I do not go with the flow. In order to protect my integrity, I have had to step aside from society to be true to myself. I can go back into society if I choose, I have the knowhow but I choose not to, there is much to be enjoyed in a solitary life.
I love my family from a distance, they live their lives as they choose but it is not my way. I live my life my way. I've countless times rejected by people because of who I am. I've Come to a pint in my life where I don't wanna be around people and make excuses. And when I do socialise I forget how to even make a conversation Even with someone I know. I know I need help.
I have become recluse more every day since my wife passed of terminal cancer. We were always together 38 years and able to travel a lot. Now living alone in a house to big for one person has major issues. I stay home a lot alone, I do shop, eat alone out or in. Lot of cleaning for myself. I built it new for her. I'm afraid to move to a beach condo or another place by myself.
I have nobody but myself. I retired early to take care of her the last 10 months. It was horrible, I know people die but this was not to happen. Now I have nothing, can't trust anyone. Just looking for a good friend to travel a bit but there is no bond or trust. I'm to old to play games with insecure people and pretty much glue myself to the house. I have a 87 year old mother who I take care of remotely and see her twice a month for doctor visits and lunch. I sometimes wish she would pass so I can pass myself.
I don't trust or believe in God, only myself and my dead wife. It's getting worse and worse. I do have a better understanding why someone like me can become recluse in there life. I was always open and ready to go anyway, now I don't want to even see a neighbor. It's a miracle and a blessing that you made it through all that. I'm glad you're still here. Thanks for the input on my article. I appreciate it. Home life wasn't great and resulted in further isolation. In my 20s, I did a complete , became outgoing despite my discomfort, sought the company of others at any cost.
Younger, i would go so far out of my way to be friends wth someone, believing that was what i was supposed to do, though i was being used, but this absolutely EXPLODED in my 20s and i had a rough time of it when realization hit and life got real was a victim of a violent crime, was a caregiver to a family member, still dealing with an unstable immediate family, blah blah blah, life. I think your article hit some interesting points, though I think on the part where you focused on writers it could have been expanded to all those who want to leave a legacy of some kind.
Also, there should be a distinction between people who choose to be alone and maintain a healthy frame of mind and those who are struggling and need those prompts you offered as advice.
If someone did that to me today, albeit well-intentioned, I'd be thoroughly irritated and question whether the person understood where I was coming from.
I understood those initiatives are well intended I realize people are gregarious, but the people I have worked with, and suffered with, have been mostly sociopaths, narcissists, and harassers, including those in my own family. I wonder how it would be to be finally alone, and able to see to my own goals without sociopathic interference. I just wonder. I have always been a reclusive loner.
It would get much worse after my beloved mom died in my arms. I developed ptsd and got over it 9 months later.
Now 3 yrs after moms death I want nothing to do with anyone but God and my pets I have no need for people , their drama and bs. I have no problems living alone for I am never alone God is always with me. It is far better to grow old alone than be hurt by people and i guess in my case people just hurt me too deeply.
Everyone in my family only wanted money no one gave a care about mom which made it so much easier for me to walk away from them all I enjoyed reading these and identify with some. I'm an efficient person and my own version of a minimalist, I don't spend much on parishable goods. Anyway, I don't leave because and live remotely because I equally avoid criminals and law enforcement.
Asocial tendencies like these are often far from ideal. In the UK, the Royal College of General Practitioners says that loneliness has the same risk level for premature death as diabetes. Strong social connections are important for cognitive functioning , motor function and a smoothly running immune system. Abundant research shows the harms of social isolation Credit: Getty Images. This is especially clear from cases of extreme social isolation. Examples of people kept in captivity, children kept isolated in abusive orphanages, and prisoners kept in solitary confinement all show how prolonged solitude can lead to hallucinations and other forms of mental instability.
But these are severe and involuntary cases of aloneness. For those of us who just prefer plenty of alone time, emerging research suggests some good news: there are upsides to being reclusive — for both our work lives and our emotional well-being.
One key benefit is improved creativity. One personality trait associated with creativity is independence — which can include a preference for being alone Credit: Getty Images. One reason for this is that such people are likely to spend sustained time alone working on their craft.
A recent vindication of these ideas came from University at Buffalo psychologist Julie Bowker, who researches social withdrawal. Social withdrawal usually is categorised into three types: shyness caused by fear or anxiety; avoidance, from a dislike of socialising; and unsociability, from a preference for solitude. A paper by Bowker and her colleagues was the first to show that a type of social withdrawal could have a positive effect — they found that creativity was linked specifically to unsociability.
They also found that unsociability had no correlation with aggression shyness and avoidance did. Research has found that unsociability is linked to higher levels of creativity Credit: Photosbyphab at Nappy. There is gender and cultural variation, of course.
For instance, some research suggests that unsociable children in China have more interpersonal and academic problems than unsociable kids in the West. Bowker says that these differences are narrowing as the world becomes more globalised.
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